ellicat's Xanga

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 17:08:12 GMT

I think everyone comes to a time in their life where everything seems settled. You're enjoying your job, adore the people in your life, are grateful for what you have, and recognise that past incidents have happened for a reason. And then there are those annoying incidents where, try as you might to make sense of what the hell happened, you just can't see head nor tail.

It takes time for dust to settle. And it takes even longer for anything to grow from that upturned earth that once lay so barren, but when the opportunity passes by, you can't help but wonder if a mistake has been made. And you also can't help but wonder who's made it. Because in this instance, lets just say, i'm pretty sure at least one of us has.

Time will tell who...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 11:51:09 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen...

I am a homeowner.

HOORAY FOR ME!!!!!!!

That is all.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 11:04:49 GMT

A very Happy New Year to you all!

Phew what a ride last year has been... More ups than downs, and i'm glad to say i've most happily welcomed 2007 as an even finer year. The pre approval for the home loan is still foremost in my mind; once February comes around i'll have been at my current job a year and be more 'desirable' to more lenders, increasing my chances of securing a better deal, so i'll be waiting til then before i start seriously looking. Not that i've had much time off to look anyway - works been hectic, but it's great and i'm still thoroughly enjoying what i'm doing. The lifestyles stimulating, but the works standard hospitality. Always room for a promotion though, so who knows what this year will have in store for me? At the moment, i'm just happy being. I'm away from home a hell of a lot, and it's always great to see everyone once i get back, but more often than not i'm missing out on alot of things.

One thing i've learnt is that you can't please everyone though. The vast majority of my friends have been great and very encouraging, but there's been one or two that rather than look at what i'm accomplishing, simply cannot see past their own expectations of me to fulfil social obligations. Theirs, not mine.

I'm a single person, working to support myelf. There's no partner to pay the bills if i take time off, and my work roster generally goes in 2 week swings. Being a casual, i have to take the work when it's offered, and am always on call. I knew this when i took the job. I'm not complaining about being single. I'm not complaing about being on call. And i'm not complaining about rarely being able to commit to any social outings until the very last minute when i know for sure i will not be called into work. I love the job - it's great for me physically and mentally, and i'm saving a fortune. I feel the best i have in years, but it's just sad that some people can only see the world they exist in, and nothing further. Solipsism's a bitch, eh?

Everyone else has been amazing, and i mean amazing. Birthday dinners cancelled last minute, the birth of a very close friends first child, cutting short endless coffee's and drinks to race to work at the last minute, and running out on family without washing up straight after dinner all to get to work time have all been not only understood, but encouraged. What would i do without these guys?!

Cheers to true friends, and a happy and healthy 2007 to us all!

E x

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 11:59:26 GMT

You can only type one word. No Explanations.

1. Yourself: Tired
2. Your Lover: Imaginary!
3. Your Hair: Pampered
4. Your Mother: Missed
5. Your Father: Encouraging
6. Your Favorite Item: Cat/laptop
7. Your Dream Last Night: None
8. Your Favorite Drink: Wine
9. Your Dream Home: SOON!

10. The Room You Are In: Cluttered
11. Your Pet: Ms Mitzimoodle
12. Who You Are Now: Evolving
13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years: Myself
15. What You Don't Wanna Be: Miserable
16. Your Best Friend: Jay
17. One of Your Wish List Items: Apartment

18. Your Gender: Female
19. The Last Thing You Did: Tv

20. What You Are Wearing: Clothes
21. Your Favorite Weather: Warm
22. Your Favorite Book: ?
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Sushi
24. Your Life: Improved
25. Your Mood: Optimistic
26. Your favorite store: Boarders/JB Hi-Fi
27. Your favorite sport: Motor-racing
28. Favorite place: Home
29. Who do you miss right now: *blush*
30: Who did you get this survey from: Kelbs

E

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 11:30:45 GMT

Well, I'm about to buy my first home, and i'm terrified.. I signed the pre-approval for the loan today. I know i'm doing the right thing, but

ENCOURAGEMENT NEEDED!!!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 04:21:01 GMT

Turn up sound...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

http://www.theshortestbus.com/content/videos/beaker.php

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 12:39:04 GMT

It's a very strange sensation when you've got alot to say but can't say it. It's been happening to me increasingly for a while now. It happens in general conversation when i just get 'stuck' and i go blank and the words just aren't there anymore. I used to be a great conversationalist, so i'm not exactly sure what's happening to me. It's as if my mouth and mind are no longer one. I used to be quick witted and sharped tongued, and I honestly feel like i've just lost the brains. I feel like there's a hole in my head, and my intellect is slowly oozing out. Sounds far fetched i know, but thats honestly how i've been feeling lately. I know it's not the case, but I'm getting increasingly frustrated at how i can no longer find the words. Articulating my feelings it seems, is impossible. Alot of the time i can identify an emotion, but i fail to understand and articulate why i'm feeling it. I think i may be emotionally backed up, like a toilet so full of human waste it has nowhere else to go so simply festers and stagnates; blocking the way for a clear flow of new conscious thought.

I don't like forced conversation. I never have. You know that sort of conversation when you honestly don't give a fuck about what the other person has to say, nor do you have anything you wish to say to them? I feel like i'm doing that all the time with everyone. I'm the sort of person who will sooner walk away than talk about the weather for ten minutes. I find it pointless. If you can't find anything else of interest to talk about after ten minutes, then why bother? I'd much rather find someone else to try my feeble attempt at small talk on, or simply retreat from company altogether. I'm scared i'm becoming alienated from society. I prefer the company of my cat to just about everyone these days and i know that's not a good thing. In fact, about the only people i can stand talking to are others with whom i know think along a similar vein to me, and would rather talk about what makes someone tick, rather than the leaves on a pretty tree swaying in the fucking breeze. I want to learn why someone gets up in the morning; what their reasons to live are, and their journey up until that point.

Apparently, we gravitate toward small talk because it keeps others at a safe distance, and we never walk away burdened by what we’ve heard. Unfortunately, the kind of talk that fulfills the social graces may be empty of genuine grace and, therefore, leave us unsatisfied. I guess you could say i'm suffering from a rather large case of this at the moment. It's not that i can't converse, i just don't find many people with whom i can really converse. Alot of the time i find myself tempted to say something blatantly outlandish or controversial to people i've just met to get a genuine reaction as opposed to a polite general nod of the head as an acceptable response. While i understand why we engage in small talk on a day to day basis, i just don't appreciate it. And i know thats not a good thing.

Take my brother for example. He has a natural fascination with people and talks to them with ease. Nobody is a stranger to him. He could start a conversation with anyone in a room, and within minutes, be able to not only ask their deepest secrets and fears, but they'll be more than willing to oblige him. He has more women interested in him than i can count, despite not being of supermodel appearance nor having a bank balance to match. And it all boils down to communication, or therein the art of. He's just comfortable with people, and they feel it.

Yesterday i celebrated my 27th birthday. I've always had a funny feeling about turning 27 for some reason and i'm not sure why. I used to think bad things would happen in this year, but now i'm trying to turn the tide around and tell myself it'll be a year of rebirth and discovery. Of my self, and hopefully, of others..

Til next time..

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 06:09:52 GMT

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=1569125216323959688

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure why i find this so funny...

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 04:50:24 GMT

Happy Birthday, Mum.

I love you.

E xxx

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 11:28:35 GMT

It's always between sails that i get restless and my mind starts to wander. I'm loving my new job and am so glad i gave it a chance after nearly backing out, but the time off (even though i'm paid for it) drags by and gives me too much time to think. Some days are good, and others are bad. I find it's when i'm busiest i'm at my happiest, and i'm not entirely sure whether that's simply because i haven't the time to consider things, or i'm just feeling good about myself. A combination of both, i think. It also doesn't help that this month is the anniversary of my mothers death, then her birthday, and then in early May, Mothers Day. I always find Mothers Day the hardest to deal with, as it's so commercialised. Every fucking ad on tv is about buying your mother something special and showing her how much you care. I walk through the shopping centers and pass window displays of mother and child in a warm embrace and it still kills me. I'm starting to think there's certain things in life you never really get over, only learn how to deal with as time goes on...

The job's great. Well rather, the perks to the job are great. The actual working part is like any other hospitality gig i've worked. The people are great though, and it makes a nice change from the same old boring four walls. At least now i can sit out on the deck on my breaks and watch the sea seemingly glide past me. Beats sitting in a dim alleyway outside some bar praying to God you didn't just sit in some drunkards pile of vomit. Has anyone ever seen the sea in the middle of the night with only a full moon to light it up? It looks liquid black; incredibly beautiful

*Sigh*

Can be bothered writing any more tonight.